tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78274968606236523492024-03-14T01:27:39.792-05:00BenisThe BNN- A Legitimate News SourceTeam Benishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12736437467869434982noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7827496860623652349.post-59083630790812831092009-09-20T21:42:00.004-05:002009-09-21T21:37:30.930-05:00Benis Reports: The Great Queso Debate<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Installment Three: Taqueria La Tapatia</span></span></b><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Located a mere half-block from my apartment, Tapatia boasts the most convenient queso to be had. It's open late, making it a frequent target for my drunk dials. It's no Aztecas; There's not much remarkable about this place, other than the fact that ordering is always apt to be confusing. It's the only place we've been where ordering a vegetarian burrito warrants the specification of "without meat". Also, we've witnessed fresh chips being transported through the restaurant via trash can. We hope the trash can is chip-exclusive. On to the queso!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; color: rgb(34, 34, 34); white-space: pre-wrap; "><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34049570@N08/3942670173/" title="queso3 by katiewian, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2541/3942670173_df9d515085.jpg" width="350" height="262" alt="queso3" /></a></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Upon first observation the queso is extraordinarily orange. This will probably guarantee it tasting more cheesy. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Viscosity: Medium-Thick</span></span></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Not too thick and not too thin. Not too much to say about that.</span></span></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></b></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Chunk-to-Cheese Ratio: Very Minimal</span></span></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I thought I saw a jalapeno, but it was just the spoon.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Drip Ratio: Relatively Low</span></span></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Minimal drippage, but not without its perils.</span></span></div>Team Benishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12736437467869434982noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7827496860623652349.post-43154455496718951482009-09-14T15:36:00.004-05:002009-09-14T15:52:55.256-05:00Vagina Power: Alexyss K. Tylor<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: -webkit-xxx-large; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; color: rgb(34, 34, 34); "><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34049570@N08/3920975696/" title="Picture 1 by katiewian, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2447/3920975696_8616ea4647.jpg" width="454" height="362" alt="Picture 1" /></a></span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: -webkit-xxx-large; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;color:#222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Alexyss K. Tylor has a lot to say- most of it NSFW. We don't know a lot about her other than the fact that most of her videos begin and end mid-rant. We'd like to know more, but are unwilling to purchase her CD book (</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Vagina Power My Life</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">)- Wikipedia, please help!</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Most of what this (apparently) renowned vlogger has to say is terrifying in its graphic nature and frequent use of the words pussy (ew!) and ass hole (two words- see fig. 1).</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">We at Benis hope Alexyss can gain further exposure as her in-your-face attitude and language rival top rappers in subversiveness. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Her bizarre message of "Vagina Power" beats the hell out of "Girl Power" any day. VP!!!</span></span></div><div><br /></div><div><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/iW56fYq9bqg&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/iW56fYq9bqg&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></div></div>Team Benishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12736437467869434982noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7827496860623652349.post-75484878949688571222009-09-07T11:50:00.005-05:002015-08-26T19:50:43.267-05:00Benis Reports: The Great Queso Debate<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>Installment Two: Aztecas</b><br /><br /><br />It was the best of times that became the worst of times. We were under the impression that Aztecas was a normal restaurant. Our mistake cost us dearly. We knew something was off when we were charged $5 for mandatory valet parking only to be told we had to park our own car. Apparently there had been some sort of incident. The exchange was all very confusing and involved much turning off and on of the car, and much window-rolling up and down. We just wanted some queso, but upon entering we were informed that it was happy hour. Pitchers of margaritas were only $15; What a bargain! Did we mention it was karaoke night? All of this being said, the queso was awesome.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34049570@N08/3898393915/" title="queso by katiewian, on Flickr"><img alt="queso" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2674/3898393915_49b5c58db8.jpg" height="262" width="350" /></a></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /><br /><b>Viscosity: Thick</b><br />Really, really thick. After ten minutes it was like Jif peanut butter. Perfect for sufficiently coating your chip on the first try.<br /><b><br />Chunk-to-Cheese Ratio: All cheese, no chunk!</b><br />Only cheese here, my friends. On the menu there was an option to add pico de gallo. We politely declined and were overjoyed with what we got- a bowl o' cheese.<br /><br /><b>Drip Ratio: Very minimal</b><br />As I exclaimed in the notes I began taking after three or so margaritas, "This shit snaps back!" Even with our drunken voracity, no drips occurred.<br /><br />We returned to Benis HQ that night a little worse for wear, only we didn't know it yet. We don't know why it happened, but we ended up with three videos of ourselves couch-dancing. Despite our embarrassment, we want to offer our lesson learned as a public service announcement. There are many morals to this story- the most important of which is: Aztecas is a rowdy bar first and a restaurant as a distant second. No matter how full you feel after drinking a pitcher of margaritas, food is still needed.</span></span><br />
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Team Benishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12736437467869434982noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7827496860623652349.post-32657075484419287972009-09-05T08:53:00.004-05:002015-08-26T19:51:04.576-05:00Apologies All Around (Alliteration-Assonance, for that matter!)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Due to various crises and vacays, we here at Benis have found ourselves way behind our (imaginary) posting schedule. However, we've not forgotten you. To prove it, I present you with something adorable that happens to require minimal effort. My (Katie's) five-year-old second cousin, Max, is in a hip-hop tap class. He recently performed a recital and I am delivering the goods. Max is the very tiny one- second from the right. Keep your eyes peeled because he has an amazing mini-solo towards the end.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', -webkit-fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Now that we have temporarily sated your hunger for the written word (as well as the adorable YouTube video), I can tell you <span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">we've got incredible things in the works.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: pre;"> We'll be back next week with incriminating video and witty </span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', -webkit-fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: pre;">reparte.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
Team Benishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12736437467869434982noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7827496860623652349.post-22567779333654518122009-08-24T16:42:00.005-05:002015-08-26T19:52:01.288-05:00Katie Learns How to Jerk<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">You've probably heard of the new trend in rap music; It's called jerking and I was enamored at first sight. It's a complicated dance that's usually accompanied by a song that announces that jerking is taking place. After hearing "You're a Jerk" by New Boyz, I decided to give myself a week to learn to jerk and to document my progress, day by day.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', -webkit-fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">To give you some context, here's the music video for Audio Push's song "Teach Me How to Jerk". I was reluctant to post it because it will only serve to highlight my glaring incompetence, but I'd be doing you a cultural disservice by depriving you of proper jerking.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', -webkit-fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', -webkit-fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10px; white-space: pre;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/zsA9L9QeTuk&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/zsA9L9QeTuk&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 85%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 10px; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: pre;">Thankfully for me, there is no shortage of how-to videos on YouTube. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: pre;">Jerking is comprised of three parts; The Jerk, the Reject, and the Dip.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: pre;">Jerking itself is the bit where you bend at the knee and waggle your legs </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: pre;">apart and together again. Rejecting is like a backwards Running-Man. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: pre;">I never got the hang of Dipping, so I pretty much just skipped it.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', -webkit-fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', -webkit-fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: pre;">When I started this project, I really didn't imagine myself incapable. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', -webkit-fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: pre;">However, as it turns out, my heritage will not be disguised. With my </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', -webkit-fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: pre;">pasty visage and red hair, I possess the uncanny ability to make absolutely </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', -webkit-fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: pre;">anything look like Irish step-dancing. The result of my efforts is certainly </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', -webkit-fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: pre;">far from the worst Jerking video on the internet, but it's not good either. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman', -webkit-fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; white-space: pre;">Without further ado, I present my opus:</span></span></div>
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Team Benishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12736437467869434982noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7827496860623652349.post-20383988765231442802009-08-24T14:31:00.003-05:002009-08-24T14:35:48.677-05:00Sabrina the Teenage Witch: A Sartorial Review<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Sabrina the Teenage Witch remains a perfect time capsule to the nineties. Most, if not all, correlations stem from the clothing and accessories of the characters. Here we will examine and critique the ensembles from just one episode of what we hope will be many to come. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); white-space: pre-wrap; "><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34049570@N08/3853555300/" title="poorsabrina by katiewian, on Flickr"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2640/3853555300_4c6eb58618.jpg" width="350" height="280" alt="poorsabrina" /></span></span></a></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Here we see Sabrina suffering from some most likely magical sunburn. She is clearly using the lei and the huge hat to detract from her lobster-like visage; And to be more modest in her come-hither bikini. The wig tells us she is perhaps incognito for some witchy reason. It could possibly be attached to the hat.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); white-space: pre-wrap; "><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34049570@N08/3852785221/" title="salemballa2 by katiewian, on Flickr"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2659/3852785221_c9f6b49ba0.jpg" width="350" height="280" alt="salemballa2" /></span></span></a></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Salem the cat is a vision in powder blue and grey. His outfit takes us back to the eighties- a bold statement amongst his nineties counterparts. The look is that of a Wall Street broker with a nasty cocaine habit. Where did he get all that money? No doubt some witchy business is afoot.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); white-space: pre-wrap; "><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34049570@N08/3853571680/" title="hilda and zelda by katiewian, on Flickr"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3082/3853571680_2a3bf5b9bf.jpg" width="350" height="280" alt="hilda and zelda" /></span></span></a></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">WTF. Something witchy this way comes.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); white-space: pre-wrap; "><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34049570@N08/3852767941/" title="poorharvey by katiewian, on Flickr"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2642/3852767941_4cb96412fe.jpg" width="350" height="280" alt="poorharvey" /></span></span></a></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Harvey, usually quite dreamy, seems upset and disgusted in a nineties sort of way. That, or he's struggling to comprehend the solar system. Absent here is his usually ever-present cartilage earring, which is a shame. Maybe he just figured out it was on the gay side. His look, symbolizing typical teen angst, finds its origin in eighties high school dramas, but remains relevant in this nineties context.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); white-space: pre-wrap; "><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34049570@N08/3852774395/" title="poorvalerie by katiewian, on Flickr"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2454/3852774395_fd6e3556e6.jpg" width="350" height="280" alt="poorvalerie" /></span></span></a></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Poor ol' Valerie seems to have collapsed, assuredly in front of a cute boy. Her burgundy high-waisted slacks match perfectly with her burgundy 3/4 sleeved top. Cap this off with her burgundy lipstick and you are on the nineties fashion train. For a nerd, Valerie appears here as the epitome of a well-put-together nineties fashionista.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); white-space: pre-wrap; "><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34049570@N08/3852756353/" title="libby by katiewian, on Flickr"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2648/3852756353_0c0c490bf1.jpg" width="350" height="280" alt="libby" /></span></span></a></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Ha ha, eat cake, bitch!</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p>Team Benishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12736437467869434982noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7827496860623652349.post-21635117682341696402009-08-13T12:31:00.003-05:002009-08-13T22:22:38.846-05:00Sex Myths As Made Up And Believed By Children<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">As ladies who were once elementary school girls, we at Benis know the power that </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret, Cosmo</span></span></i><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">and generic romance novels can wield. We have decided to compile sex myths which we believed to be the gospel truth between the ages of eight and eleven.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The Penis-Size Formula:</span></span></b></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Shoe size, divided by two, plus one equals inches o' penis. This was complicated math that had to be performed multiple times daily. An alternate method is measuring the distance between the thumb and the tip of the forefinger when the two are held in a right angle.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Small Hands Make For Big Boobs:</span></span></b></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">We don't know. This is what we heard from boys. However, we will say that this myth holds mysteriously true amongst our population of two.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Simple Exercises to "Increase Your Bust":</span></span></b></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Yes, we thought for all the world that violently jerking our elbows back and forth would cause our breasts to grow larger and with increased momentum. There was even a song to accompany the practice. Ask your sister.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Periods Are Awesome:</span></span></b></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">No. No, they're not. It's weird and I would rather be infertile.</span></span></span></p>Team Benishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12736437467869434982noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7827496860623652349.post-72832806311903383522009-08-13T12:22:00.008-05:002015-08-26T19:52:09.960-05:00Benis Reports: The Great Queso Debate<div style="font: 12.0px Times New Roman; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';">Installment One: Chapultepec</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34049570@N08/3817525555/" title="DSCF0455 by katiewian, on Flickr"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><img alt="DSCF0455" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3500/3817525555_f035427a95.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></span></span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';">Let us begin by saying that queso is an important aspect of our lives. Regardless of true quality and actual cheese content, you can't beat it. It has been said that queso is the crack of the cheese world. As Houston is home to many, many Mexican restaurants, the quest to find the best is nearly inexhaustable. So we decided to exhaust ourselves. As queso enthusiasts, we decided to lay down some criteria on which to base our judgement. The main concerns we are keeping in mind are viscocity, chunk-to-cheese ratio, and drip rate. In part one of The Great Queso Debate, we head to Chapultepec, mecca of late-night over-indulgence (one time, Reese Lopez puked in a fake potted plant there). Here are our findings:</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';">Viscosity: Medium</span></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';">Seemingly thinner than usual, but still thick enough to manage. Laura reports a past experience wherein she suspected it to be more diluted as the night went on. It should be noted that taste is in no way affected by this inconsistency.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34049570@N08/3817525575/" title="DSCF0456 by katiewian, on Flickr"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><img alt="DSCF0456" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2631/3817525575_a36fe86f1c.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></span></span></a></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';">Chunk-to-Cheese Ratio: Minimal Chunks</span></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';">I, Katie, hate tomatoes. I was not offended by the lack of this most common found chunk. Laura doesn't hate tomatoes, but was fine with the omission nonetheless. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';">Drip Rate: High</span></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';">This may be caused by the voracity with which we were crammin' it in (like wolves on a hot dog). The sole casualty: Katie's jeans.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34049570@N08/3818335176/" title="DSCF0463 by katiewian, on Flickr"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';"><img alt="DSCF0463" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2512/3818335176_dc7074cb4b.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></span></span></a></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'times new roman';">In conclusion, excellent. But in all truth, Chapultepec has always served to set our standards.</span></span></span></div>
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Team Benishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12736437467869434982noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7827496860623652349.post-64418847032229320532009-08-08T15:26:00.004-05:002009-08-13T22:23:42.988-05:00A Lengthy Commencement Speech<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Hello and welcome to the new and improved cyber-age Benis. After a long reprieve we are comin' back at you with a more mature and scholarly approach to nonsense. For those of you who don't already know us, we are Katie and Laura, the geniuses who birthed the orignial Benis Zine back in 2001. The crappily-stapled and photocopied days are over, although the original concept remains. In our heyday, we provided insightful social commentary, instructional articles of all varieties, blatant lies, and mild entertainment. We intend to continue these pursuits and more with our now-patented brand of vitriolic journalism, steeped in an unprecedented (for us) enthusiasm. Familiarize yourself with Benis, future media moguls, as we will one day rule everything around you.</span></span>Team Benishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12736437467869434982noreply@blogger.com8