Benis: Sabrina the Teenage Witch: A Sartorial Review

Sabrina the Teenage Witch remains a perfect time capsule to the nineties. Most, if not all, correlations stem from the clothing and accessories of the characters. Here we will examine and critique the ensembles from just one episode of what we hope will be many to come.

Here we see Sabrina suffering from some most likely magical sunburn. She is clearly using the lei and the huge hat to detract from her lobster-like visage; And to be more modest in her come-hither bikini. The wig tells us she is perhaps incognito for some witchy reason. It could possibly be attached to the hat.

Salem the cat is a vision in powder blue and grey. His outfit takes us back to the eighties- a bold statement amongst his nineties counterparts. The look is that of a Wall Street broker with a nasty cocaine habit. Where did he get all that money? No doubt some witchy business is afoot.

WTF. Something witchy this way comes.

Harvey, usually quite dreamy, seems upset and disgusted in a nineties sort of way. That, or he's struggling to comprehend the solar system. Absent here is his usually ever-present cartilage earring, which is a shame. Maybe he just figured out it was on the gay side. His look, symbolizing typical teen angst, finds its origin in eighties high school dramas, but remains relevant in this nineties context.

Poor ol' Valerie seems to have collapsed, assuredly in front of a cute boy. Her burgundy high-waisted slacks match perfectly with her burgundy 3/4 sleeved top. Cap this off with her burgundy lipstick and you are on the nineties fashion train. For a nerd, Valerie appears here as the epitome of a well-put-together nineties fashionista.