Sunday, September 20, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Alexyss K. Tylor has a lot to say- most of it NSFW. We don't know a lot about her other than the fact that most of her videos begin and end mid-rant. We'd like to know more, but are unwilling to purchase her CD book (Vagina Power My Life)- Wikipedia, please help!
Monday, September 7, 2009
It was the best of times that became the worst of times. We were under the impression that Aztecas was a normal restaurant. Our mistake cost us dearly. We knew something was off when we were charged $5 for mandatory valet parking only to be told we had to park our own car. Apparently there had been some sort of incident. The exchange was all very confusing and involved much turning off and on of the car, and much window-rolling up and down. We just wanted some queso, but upon entering we were informed that it was happy hour. Pitchers of margaritas were only $15; What a bargain! Did we mention it was karaoke night? All of this being said, the queso was awesome.
Really, really thick. After ten minutes it was like Jif peanut butter. Perfect for sufficiently coating your chip on the first try.
Chunk-to-Cheese Ratio: All cheese, no chunk!
Only cheese here, my friends. On the menu there was an option to add pico de gallo. We politely declined and were overjoyed with what we got- a bowl o' cheese.
Drip Ratio: Very minimal
As I exclaimed in the notes I began taking after three or so margaritas, "This shit snaps back!" Even with our drunken voracity, no drips occurred.
We returned to Benis HQ that night a little worse for wear, only we didn't know it yet. We don't know why it happened, but we ended up with three videos of ourselves couch-dancing. Despite our embarrassment, we want to offer our lesson learned as a public service announcement. There are many morals to this story- the most important of which is: Aztecas is a rowdy bar first and a restaurant as a distant second. No matter how full you feel after drinking a pitcher of margaritas, food is still needed.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sabrina the Teenage Witch remains a perfect time capsule to the nineties. Most, if not all, correlations stem from the clothing and accessories of the characters. Here we will examine and critique the ensembles from just one episode of what we hope will be many to come.
Here we see Sabrina suffering from some most likely magical sunburn. She is clearly using the lei and the huge hat to detract from her lobster-like visage; And to be more modest in her come-hither bikini. The wig tells us she is perhaps incognito for some witchy reason. It could possibly be attached to the hat.
Salem the cat is a vision in powder blue and grey. His outfit takes us back to the eighties- a bold statement amongst his nineties counterparts. The look is that of a Wall Street broker with a nasty cocaine habit. Where did he get all that money? No doubt some witchy business is afoot.
WTF. Something witchy this way comes.
Harvey, usually quite dreamy, seems upset and disgusted in a nineties sort of way. That, or he's struggling to comprehend the solar system. Absent here is his usually ever-present cartilage earring, which is a shame. Maybe he just figured out it was on the gay side. His look, symbolizing typical teen angst, finds its origin in eighties high school dramas, but remains relevant in this nineties context.
Poor ol' Valerie seems to have collapsed, assuredly in front of a cute boy. Her burgundy high-waisted slacks match perfectly with her burgundy 3/4 sleeved top. Cap this off with her burgundy lipstick and you are on the nineties fashion train. For a nerd, Valerie appears here as the epitome of a well-put-together nineties fashionista.
Ha ha, eat cake, bitch!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
As ladies who were once elementary school girls, we at Benis know the power that Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret, Cosmo and generic romance novels can wield. We have decided to compile sex myths which we believed to be the gospel truth between the ages of eight and eleven.
The Penis-Size Formula:
Shoe size, divided by two, plus one equals inches o' penis. This was complicated math that had to be performed multiple times daily. An alternate method is measuring the distance between the thumb and the tip of the forefinger when the two are held in a right angle.
Small Hands Make For Big Boobs:
We don't know. This is what we heard from boys. However, we will say that this myth holds mysteriously true amongst our population of two.
Simple Exercises to "Increase Your Bust":
Yes, we thought for all the world that violently jerking our elbows back and forth would cause our breasts to grow larger and with increased momentum. There was even a song to accompany the practice. Ask your sister.
Periods Are Awesome:
No. No, they're not. It's weird and I would rather be infertile.