As ladies who were once elementary school girls, we at Benis know the power that Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret, Cosmo and generic romance novels can wield. We have decided to compile sex myths which we believed to be the gospel truth between the ages of eight and eleven.
The Penis-Size Formula:
Shoe size, divided by two, plus one equals inches o' penis. This was complicated math that had to be performed multiple times daily. An alternate method is measuring the distance between the thumb and the tip of the forefinger when the two are held in a right angle.
Small Hands Make For Big Boobs:
We don't know. This is what we heard from boys. However, we will say that this myth holds mysteriously true amongst our population of two.
Simple Exercises to "Increase Your Bust":
Yes, we thought for all the world that violently jerking our elbows back and forth would cause our breasts to grow larger and with increased momentum. There was even a song to accompany the practice. Ask your sister.
Periods Are Awesome:
No. No, they're not. It's weird and I would rather be infertile.
Uh. I never knew about that penis formula. I think I would have been doing a lot more math in high school if I had. I think I'll test them out on the Mr.
ReplyDeleteLia, you are a nasty little girl.
ReplyDelete